Tag Archives: Paramount+

The Lost City (2022)

What if you wrote a romance novel about being a romance novelist whose life is devoid of romance, but then you crossed that with Romancing the Stone from the ’80s, which is more of an action comedy than a romance novel, but then you also noticed that hey if you’re crossing it with a movie anyway, you might as well make your novel a movie instead?

Also, maybe your inspiration for writing a novel about the thing you ended up making a movie about instead came from those Bones novels, so you should probably make your novelist an expert in the field of whatever will allow her to go out and do actiony treasure hunting a la the movie you decided to cross your romance novel with.

Also, you are just on board with everything Daniel Radcliffe has done since he got out of his Harry Potter contract.

In the unlikely event that you’ve done all of these things: congratulations! You’re going to get sued by the people who made The Lost City, for flagrant plagiarism. That sounds fun!

All of this said: I’m not coming down on it. It for sure has an aesthetic and knows exactly what it’s going for, and you might hate that thing, but if you do not, this is a pretty funny and moderately sweet example of said thing.

Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin

Next of Kin dares to ask two new questions, which makes it objectively twice as important as Ghost Activity[1] was. One: what if paranormal activity, except Amish? Amish are not as spooky as children, but there’s no denying that living an 18th century lifestyle in the 21st century is a little creepy if you adjust the angle on it even slightly. And this time I’m being 100% serious: two, what if paranormal activity but with all continuity jettisoned and the whole thing is itself, not beholden to anything except found footage of jump scares and eventual terror.

Young adult, adopted with no history beyond a lady dropping her off at a hospital, finds an Amish relative via 23 and Me or whatever, and her friend decides, hey, this would be a cool documentary. Let’s go find your roots! And they do, with a conveniently good excuse to always be filming things[2]. Later, they learn that Amish are in fact creepy, as is their church in the woods, as is their spoiler stuff I won’t mention, and all of this even if they are not actually Amish at all.

I think I like the ending of this movie best of all of them except the first one.

[1] That’s not actually the correct name, but I’m leaving it as is. haha oops
[2] By my count, maybe three of the movies actually have this excuse for the whole duration, which is not the worst record.