Tag Archives: Catherine Zeta-Jones

The Legend of Zorro

A random Friday movie occurred, and thusly, I update. The Legend of Zorro had, to the best of my recollection, everything I expected, and a few things I did not. In no particular order, then:

Swashbuckling swordplay. Defenestrations. Explosions. A casual at the best of times approach to historical accuracy. (An Alabama general in 1850 referring to himself as Confederate, not to mention Abe Lincoln signing CA into statehood in that same year. Also, he had a southern-accented gravelly voice. Oy.) All kinds of annoying child sidekick scenes. Elements of a cop/animal buddy movie, complete with animal vices. Multiple nods to The Miller’s Tale. Enough modern references to kill the suspension of disbelief still standing by now, but not nearly enough to convince me that they were doing it on purpose. A Christian bad guy so cartoonishly laid out that he has a never-explained scar on his face, in the shape of a cross. Shipments of evil soap. Translatable Latin and a secret society bent on world domination.

Worst of all: over two hours of film spool to leisurely tell the story that combines all of those elements. Best of all: Catherine Zeta-Jones has acceptable cleavage. Random: Although the music was composed by Howard Shore, I kept hearing phrases that sounded like Raiders of the Lost Ark, or occasionally Revenge of the Sith. Plus, it was Amblin Entertainment, so I was pretty well shocked to see it not be John Williams.

Ocean’s Twelve

Holidays are an excellent time for watching movies. And for gathering with families and friends, and for gifts and for snow and fireplaces (sadly, not so much for me personally, but I hear tell), and some people claim for football, and for celebrating your winter faith of choice (I prefer the one where the hot Wiccan chicks dance naked in the moonlight, could I but only find them). And, of course, for lots of empty calories.

Ocean’s Twelve
marks a good confluence of the first and last items on my list. Fun movie, devoid of any real content at all. Despite that, Soderbergh still managed to put a new spin on the heist caper, above and beyond the work of beauty that was the pure heist of his 2001 remake.

I say spin, but he basically turned it on his head. Danny Ocean’s merry band of thieves who steal from the rich and give to themselves are at it again, planning a heist that never seems to occur to stave off a vengeance that never quite materializes, and somehow it still works. It’s a little more jokey and a little less nuts and bolts, and every bit the cure for the end of the year Oscar-ridden wasteland.

A good time will be had by all who don’t think that Julia Roberts looks like a horse, and this time they also added in Catherine Zeta-Jones for those who (like my father) do. He stayed at home and slept through it, sure, but that’s not the point. Just the fact that he would have had an alternative proves my point.