I hadn’t really thought about it until now, but it has been too long since anyone released a good monster movie.[1] Which is not to say Piranha 3D is itself good, because that word doesn’t really apply in a traditional way to this particular subgenre in nearly the same way that Joe Bob Briggs’ drive-in totals do. Honestly, the title tells you everything you need to know about the plot, which is that a school of hungry piranha are about to crash a co-ed beach party to blood-spattering result. I will say that as a prior resident of San Marcos, Texas, where the original Piranha was filmed, I appreciated the scene in which naked nymphs are filmed making out underwater through a glass-bottomed yacht, as this was clearly a shout-out to the sadly defunct Aquarena Springs mermaids.
As for those drive-in totals[2], there were 11 breasts, 15 bodies, and one full-blown spring break massacre. Multiple propellers to the face. Frying pan to the piscine face. Head rolls. Torso rolls. Legs roll. Penis rolls. Drive-in academy award nominations to Jessica Szohr for vomiting in 3D, to Jerry O’Connell as the sleazy video promoter, to Christopher Lloyd for saying, “They don’t have fully-developed genitalia!” with exactly the delivery you’re imagining, and to Richard Dreyfuss just for showing up. Three and a half stars, and if you do in fact want to check it out, hell, I’d go again.
[1] I mean, besides Sci-Fi SyFy original motion pictures, weekly on Saturday nights.
[2] …that a quick web search [to see if I could compare them with the original count, which likely does not exist due to the movie’s 1978 release date being too early] tells me every reviewer on the planet is referencing this weekend.

I’ve been sitting on this book for over two years, apparently. As has often been the case in my various Marvel readings, it’s worked out really well for me, the delay. Sure, there are things I haven’t read yet and things that haven’t happened yet and so on, but the very fact of making it all the way through Stan Lee’s era as chief editor of Marvel (which ended just this month, basically, where this month is September of 1972) means that I have seen at least most of what any given Marvel homage is going to make reference to. And boy howdy does